Dissociation Nation & The Power of Music

 Aloha & Happy Sunday, Reader,

About a year ago, I jokingly self-declared myself the President of Dissociation Nation... 

In part this was a reference to being part of a generation, where our parents often didn't take responsibility for themselves, were often hypocrites, and expected us to be on near-perfect behavior and function properly in society. Sadly, many of us were systematically denied the basic human right of proper brain development and turned to mind-altering substances to survive these traumatic years of childhood. Other times, we embraced writing, music & art as ‘escapes’, which provided easily accessible forms of therapy. These positive survival tools provided us hours of relief and distraction from situations out of our control. Creative arts provided a positive focus and gave us agency as children & teenagers. May I gently remind you it’s not your responsibility what happened to you as a child, but it’s your responsibility to fix yourself as an adult.

Our belief systems, which are usually ingrained by age 6, certainly can be changed as adults. Challenging belief systems is the first step in changing familial patterns and requires cultivating a growth-focused mindset and taking personal action. It’s not easy, which is why a lot of people give up. However, it is the foundation of making long-lasting change.

Within Dissociation Nation, many of our parents chose not to resolve their hand-me-down generational trauma, update personal belief systems and were members of the entitled "Baby Boomers” group (those individuals born between 1946-1964). Simply put: they placed all their BS on us and expected us to not only be model citizens, but also cater to them. If you want to watch a funny skit on "Baby Boomers" check out George Carlin on YouTube. On the note of healing generational trauma: if you chose/choose to be a “cycle breaker”, enforce boundaries and move on from toxic family members, congratulations - it is no easy feat.

Many of us raised by parents of the Baby Boomer generation turned to music as a form of therapy. When we suffered repeated bouts of abuse from our aggressors (often the people we trusted), our brains had to dissociate from the present moment to survive. Keep in mind, emotional (non-physical) neglect is one of the most severe types of abuse and arguably, could be the hardest to heal from. Combine this type of emotional abuse with physical/sexual violations, as many of us have survived, a “finger-pointing” political environment, lack of impactful resources and it’s easy to see why we are in a historic mental health crisis in the US. Unless drastic measures are implemented and true criminals are prosecuted, we are headed straight for an apocalyptic ending. Many of these true criminal’s actions are covered up by an overly complex legal system - let’s change that.

We all need to take personal action and not let self-judgment, guilt or excuses stand in our way.

To their credit, many of our parents did loving things for us, but ultimately did not show us true, unconditional love. Most importantly and relevant to today, they did not provide us tools and guidance for responsible adulthood. I've met many 'black sheep' (another word for cycle breakers) like myself, and wow, just go on TikTok if you want to laugh on this subject, like I did quietly for many years. Last year, I had to nix those personal familial ties permanently to keep my own peace of mind. Good thing true ohana showed up when they did! 

Removing self-judgment and shame from your life during healing, will do wonders for your mental health. This may mean removing many people from your life, who add to your stress load, not subtract. When you heal, resolve trauma and move on, your energy vibrations will increase and unfortunately this tends to attract toxic people, who want to feed off your positive energy. Many of these toxic people will zap you until you’ve got nothing left for yourself. Becoming self-aware of this concept helped explain why addicts love me so much! For one, they love to use and unfortunately with our intricately, overly-complex system in America, many don’t learn how to stop their bad habits in the long-term. It’s clear to me now: if you’re gonna choose a person to use, well aren’t I a lovely choice: well-educated, altruistic, relatable, funny and easy on the eyes.

It takes an incredibly hearty soul and an immense amount of personal work, courage and commitment to overcome addiction, while living in the United States. Over the past two years, I’m blessed to have met many of these beautiful, resilient individuals, both men & women.

On an extra serious personal development note: let my personal story be a cautionary tale. At the very moment I elevated myself to a higher spiritual level in the summer of 2023, everyone seemed to want my time. I was even asked by a few triathlon teammates to join a "special" group, which felt a little odd at the time, especially since the group members were older men in their 50s and I was the only woman invited. Often, people disguised their requests with compliments, but they also boldly bcc’d me on important emails, introducing me to many business owners, whom I hadn’t heard of nor wanted take the time to and shift my focus. Even though I remained incredibly presently-focused on my own projects & taking care of my son, I was constantly peppered by these intrusive people in my expansive network. During this time, I politely declined many projects offered to me by distinctive professionals, but my altruistic nature also donated a lot of my time to self-serving, selfish, greedy people. These disgusting people zapped me until I was left homeless and hungry last summer. Many lessons learned.

Let’s move on to what you can do and touch on the power of music, as a healing tool.

Enforcing your boundaries and protecting your peace is essential when you decide the generational trauma ends with you. Keep in mind that your actions will not only benefit you, but future generations.

Present day, I follow a couple of influencers who bring a lightness to my generational era, often saying they 'think' in song lyrics - ha! I can't tell you the amount of times I sat in my bedroom, as an upset adolescent, with music playing for me to focus on (something positive and steady, in an otherwise mostly chaotic environment). I never formally learned to play an instrument, but as a young child, I explored music to the best of my abilities. I made mix tapes & CDs, listened to my grandfather's 8-track tape player and attended my fair share of classmates' concerts.

Music SAVED many children who grew up in the 80s and 90s... allowing an outlet - a way for us to channel strong emotions. Lyrics were relatable and even though we lost many beloved music icons too young, including Chris Cornell, Whitney Houston & Chester Bennington, we remember them with fondness, love and appreciation, many of us still blasting their music today. If you want proof of the residual power & historical impact of their artistry/songs, check out the comments section on popular music apps. It can be incredibly heartwarming and provide a dash of hope for humanity, when you’re feeling low.

To end on a funny note, here's a short story! 16 years ago, I met a musician who kindly offered to help me (and my friends, at the time) learn many instruments in a fun, relaxed setting... well, needless to say - learning an anything new as an adult, especially an instrument, is very difficult to learn later in life! As I've recently mentioned to a few friends, my musical abilities really shine the more alcohol is involved (in other words, the more tequila they drink, the better I sound!). For my sober friends, well gosh, they have to really grant me grace in this area :)

With Tenacious Vibes,

Heidi