Embracing my Country Roots: Recrafting the Past

Good Morning Reader,

After I moved away from my hometown of Woodstock, CT, I never truly desired to go back, due to multiple traumas and abuse sustained as an adolescent. I maintained relationships over the years following my undergraduate commencement from Bryant University (College) in 2004 with family, friends and some businesses, but on the inside, the mere thought of any high school reunion or living in my town elicited feelings of dread in my body.

For the majority of my life, whenever someone would ask where I'm from and I responded: "Woodstock" they would follow up with the question "Woodstock '69?" No, my Woodstock is located in northeastern Connecticut and is 161 miles from Woodstock, NY - famous for the 1960s rock music festivals.

A few years ago, an experienced trauma counselor mentioned to me: "The past is the past", and emphasized we can't change it. While this is true, inevitably the past will resurface, sometimes positively in the form of a fun memory or negatively triggered by a bottle of alcohol. What I've decided is to do is actively recraft my past, in many ways. I’ve leaned into this concept to an incredible depth over the past 15 months, especially as my patience is continuously tested from many people and organizations.

From curating music playlists from prior decades to visiting restaurants and stores from my past, I've decided to form new positive associations around many objects, items, songs and locations. This was an intentional choice, so that I can not only walk in healing and peace from my past, but enjoy a playful twist and feel good about my entire journey. I've got a keen observational eye and emerged from this imposed multi-layered hellish experience with an unbreakable, unshakable mindset, with a renewed will to live that has been tested beyond comprehension.

Mahalo to everyone who has truly supported my journey. This includes so many beautiful souls. From the nice club promoter in the Florida Keys in February 2024, who softly approached me to take a photo with him, when hot tears were flooding my eyes and I tried to make sense of my corrupt community to the friend's hand that held mine to squeeze when I downloaded more details of my story and strong emotions inevitably surfaced, these gentleman boosted my spirits when I truly needed it. 

To all of you who went all-in on me - wow, thank you. I had to go all-in on myself in every way possible, beginning the fall of 2023 and I will never forget what you did for my son & I. You’re all the reason my son has a mom who’s still alive and while I’ve been given no information on my reunion with him to date, my hopeful attitude compounds by the day.

I've got journals upon journals of kind acts and reflecting on these still gives me courage today. There is so much gratitude woven into the physical items I have with me and I am beyond appreciative. While these false friends & family may have taken hostage my clothing, car and prized photographs, they are simply items and can be replaced.

May we share laughs for years to come, rejoice in our collective healing and continue to rebuild and recraft our lives, in the ways we truly deserve. 

Cheers to the good people!

With Aloha,

Heidi